🧭 THE ARCHIVES

Quote of the day

You climb into the bed. It is soft and comfortable. After a few moments, a previously unseen panel opens, and a diagnostic robot comes wheeling out. It is very rusty and sways unsteadily, bumping into several pieces of infirmary equipment as it crosses the room. As the robot straps you to the bed, you notice some smoke curling from its cracks. Beeping happily, the robot injects you with all 347 serums and medicines it carries. The last thing you notice before you pass out is the robot preparing to saw your legs off.

-- Planetfall

Factoid of the day

One of the main characters in the Infocomic ZorkQuest: Assault on Egreth Castle is named Gurthark, an apparent reference to the spider-like alien creature from Starcross: "The spider tells you his name is 'Gurthark-tun-Besnap,' (or something more-or-less that)."

*What happens next is up to you.*
Dec 1984

New Zork Times, The, v3(2)

~1 minute read

Apr-Jun 1984

Infocom Horoscope

HELLHOUND (March 21 to April 18) * Don't eat any foods with names beginning with a G or a Y, such as grapes or yogurt. This is a good week to learn Latin.

GRUE (April 19 to May 20) * Procrastination is ill-advised, especially if you were considering software purchases. Avoid zoos and art museums.

DRYAD (May 21 to May 24) * This is a good time to experiment with hair replacement techniques. Consider selling any kitchen appliance that you've had for over six years.

DORN (May 25 to May 27) * Don't go swimming if you've eaten in the last thirty minutes. Wear a scarf if it's less than forty degrees outside. Call your mother.

BROGMOID (May 28 to November 19) * If you've ever robbed any banks, today is a good day to apologize and start life anew. Sell all your U.S. Steel stock at once.

BLOODWORM (November 20) * Wait 24 hours, then buy all the U.S. Steel stock you can get your hands on. Do not taunt snakes or bus drivers.

YIPPLE (November 21, until 3:00 p.m.) * Give flowers to your mate. Buy a house. Eat three cookies. Fly to France. Challenge your dentist to a duel.

SURMIN (November 21, after 3:00 p.m.) * Spend time with a sick friend. This is crucial. If necessary, take a healthy friend and expose him/her to a contagious disease.

ROTGRUB (November 22 to January 3, January 18 to March 20) * An old business partner will meet you in the fruit and vegetable aisle of the supermarket. Be wary: if you chat there too long, the store will be sold out of casaba melons.

KOBOLD (January 4 to January 17, except where prohibited by law) * Don't marry anyone named Waldo or Matilda this week. Next week, marry only people named Waldo and Matilda.

ORC (anyone born in Cleveland on a national holiday) * Avoid reading your horoscope today. It will only be misleading, dangerous, and possibly even fatal.

NABIZ (all redheads born during a total eclipse) * Talk to strangers. Frequent dark alleys. Cross the street without looking both ways. Eat quickly without chewing well. Don't call your mother.

This article appeared in
New Zork Times, The
Apr-Jun 1984

These historical, out-of-print articles and literary works have been GNUSTOed onto InvisiClues.org for academic and research purposes.