Scorpion's Tale

Bureaucracy

Scorpia

WARNING! This article contains spoilers. Avert your eyes!

Warning! Scorpion's Tale contains hints on solving computer adventure games. If you do not want help, do not read on.

Yes, indeed, step right in. It's much more pleasant in here than outside in the middle of summer (but don't worry; if summer is here, can winter be far behind?). Fred is making you an extra-strong one today. You're going to need it. This time around, you're coming up against something terrible, something worse than Krill, Jeearr, Mangar, Exodus and Lagoth Zanta all rolled into one. That's right, you're about to face the ultimate horror, the inescapable nightmare, the bane of all existence: Bureaucracy.

Make no mistake about it; this is not an easy game. Some of the puzzles are quite hard. Yet there are many that are simple. Bureaucracy, overall, is somewhat uneven in this regard, partly due to having passed through so many programmers on its way to the shelves. Near the end of the game, you'll be able to read its history, and marvel at the number of people who worked on it in one way or another. When they say on the box "and the staff of Infocom", they aren't exaggerating!

Another interesting aspect of the game is its linearity. You go from location to location, solving a series of puzzles in each before moving on to the next one. Once you've started, there is no going back. That's rather unusual for an Infocom game, isn't it?

You start off with a form. That's right, you have to fill out a mock license application to get started. Do keep the information you enter in mind, though; you might need some of it later on (you may also want to save the game real soon after this, so you don't have to do it again).

With that out of the way, there you are, standing in your new home. Yes, you've just moved in, even if your furniture hasn't. It will, no doubt, arrive sooner or later, probably later. That doesn't bother you too much. After all, in a short while you'll be on your way to Paris, courtesy of your new company, Happitec. That is, you will be on your way as soon as you pick up your ticket and a money order arrives in the mail. You're a little short of cash at the moment. While you're looking over your new home (which seems to consist of only a living room and a back room), the doorbell rings. Aha! Could this be what you've been waiting for?

Quickly you answer the door, only to find that it's not the mailman, but a delivery man bringing you a sack of llama treats. Llama treats? No matter, there is probably some madness in this method, so you pay for the treats (plastic money is good for some things).

That's about when you realize the treats were delivered to the wrong address and a nasty little chill runs along your spine. Suppose YOUR mail was delivered to someone else? Eeek! You rush out to your mailbox and open it. Sure enough, the leaflet inside is addressed to another house. Uh, oh! Well, there's nothing for it but to go snooping and nosing around other people's houses, poking through their mail in the hopes of finding our own. Naturally, there is no way you're going to be able to explain about the mix-up, which means you'll have to be incredibly devious.

Now, there's no set order here. You can go to the various houses and establishments in almost any order. I will say, though, that however you do it, your own mail will always be the last you find, so you must go everywhere. There's no getting around that. In fact, whatever else you do, make careful note of the order of the postal stickers on the mail or you'll be very sorry later on.

The fast-food joint has no mail, but you'll have to eat there sooner or later. I suggest later, when you're hungry enough to at least partially enjoy your meal. Ditto for the bookstore: no mail, but perhaps something else of interest. Ask the clerk about a few things you see around you there. The travel agency is one of the truly straightforward things in the game, which ought to make you suspicious. I mean, if it's that easy to pick up your ticket, you'd guess there was something horrible waiting for you up the line, and you'd be right.

That's still a bit in the future, however, and you have other concerns at the moment. For instance, you might be concerned about the house across from the travel agency, the one where you can't go upstairs (you really can't, so don't worry about it). However, there is the slightly mad stamp collector, busily shredding his mail (or perhaps, it's your mail). Better do something about him quickly.

Well, it turned out not to be your stuff, but at least you now have an issue of Popular Paranoia... just what you've always wanted. Speaking of that, there's a small flyer that comes with the game about the magazine. Do keep it handy, as you'll need it a little later on.

As you go along south, you pass a mansion from which popular music floats out, the sort of music you hear on 'easy listening' stations, in elevators, or even airports. The lady inside totes an elephant gun, and she's a dead shot with it. You don't want to mess with her. Of course, there might be another way inside... look around a bit.

Further down the street, you come to the llama farm. This must have been the place that actually ordered the llama treats. Make sure you read the sign, as well as examine everything around you, including the mailbox. There is mail to be found here, if you look in the right place and do the right thing. Luckily, you don't have to take the llama with you.

At the very end of the street, you see a camouflaged house. The security here is very tight. You won't be able to get inside until you satisfy the intercom voice in some way. Now, perhaps, may not be the right time (and I'll bet that by now you're having some second thoughts about your new neighborhood).

As you go back, you may notice something new about the llama farmhouse. Like, the front door is open (remember the sign?). No one's looking; go ahead, step inside. Oh well, nothing here; looks like the place has been cleaned out very thoroughly.

That's when the weirdo shows up, carrying an arsenal that Rambo would be proud of. He's obviously waiting for you to do something. So, do it before he leaves. He may even be able to help out with one of your little problems.

In time, when you've gotten into the camouflaged house, escaped from the basement jail (with a little help from a friend), and finally, obtained your own mail, you will have just one tiny difficulty to overcome: turning a check for -$75 into real cash.

Yes indeed, a negative check. Read the memo for an explanation, although it's not much help. You'll have to think in reverse here, as the solution is not obvious. However, if you fool around enough with deposit slips and withdrawal slips, the idea may come to you.

Now, at last, you're ready for the airport. Make sure you have everything you need, call the cab company (suspiciously easy again!) and you're off (Kinda)!. When you go to check in at Omnia Gallia, however, you find that airline has gone out of business. Your flight to Paris will now be handled by Air Zalagasa. Ho hum. Finding Air Zalagasa (as precious minutes tick away) may not be simple. Odd, how every time you try an area that says "Air Zalagasa," it doesn't seem to be there. Let's hope that suggests something to you.

Here it is at last! Unfortunately, the person in front of you has some complicated scheduling he wants to arrange, and it's taking forever, or possibly longer. So, you wait while your new flight is announced and then, is closed. It taxis out of the terminal to the runway, and you gnash your teeth down to the roots.

Finally, you make the ticket exchange, although the situation seems hopeless. Or does it? Amazing how you never noticed that pillar before. Well, don't just stand there, get a move on! You don't have much time!

You don't need me to tell you what has to be done here; the obvious will do fine (as I said, many of the puzzles are easy and when they aren't easy, they're hard). On your way back, you may want to check out the speaker, one of many blaring forth that inane 'easy listening' music. Don't you just hate it? Wouldn't you just love to do something about it? I sure hope so.

So here you are, in the plane, on your way to Paris via Zalagasa, wherever that may be. This is a good time to check out your surroundings, the airline magazine, for one. It contains some interesting articles. The headphones are connected to (what else?) 'easy listening' music. Don't forget to play with those cute buttons, either.

In a short while, dinner is served. Guess what it is? It's Zalagasan stew, something you can easily live without. Hint: don't eat it. Getting rid of it, however, is not so easy. The airline attendants seem obsessed with making sure you poison yourself with this atrocious "food".

Somehow, some way, you are going to have to get rid of the noxious concoction. If you wait too long, the consequences will be too horrible to contemplate. And we certainly don't want that happening! Now is a good time to play with the buttons again and feel free to move around.

Once the stew has been dealt with, you receive a telephone call. Yes, there is (mirabile dictu!) a phone on the plane. However, the conversation is going to be a short one. The connection will soon go dead and you will overhear the pilot telling the control tower that the plane is going to crash in about five minutes.

Very fortunately for you, the phone is right next to the emergency hatch. Unfortunately, you don't happen to have a parachute. Perhaps someone could help you out here, if you ask for the right thing.

In due time, you're out of the plane (with a parachute, I hope), floating -down into the wilds of Zalagasa. In fact, right into a Zalagasan cooking pot: The Zalagasans, as you know if you read the magazine, are cannibals. How clever of you to arrive just in time for dinner!

Oh, that prospect doesn't thrill you? Hmmm. In that case, you had better get their minds on other things. Fast. Remember they are members of ZBUG and eclipse-predicting is old hat these days.

Let it not be said that the Zalagasans take and do not give. You very kindly receive a mysterious unlabeled cartridge and an address book. Looks like the book you lost at the airport, but perhaps you should check, just in case. I'd also advise getting out of the pot while you can.

Whump! Seems like you fell into a pit (well, it doesn't matter; you had no idea where you were going anyway) and ended up in a Grubby Antechamber with a locked locker. Do read the sign below the handles carefully and count your hands. Since you have a little time here, you may want to check out your new cartridge. By all means read the "NOOZ." You'll find out more about Bureaucracy's history than you ever dared ask for or possibly wanted to know.

There are four other files in the cartridge. Look at the directory listing carefully. They should remind you of something. Further, keep in mind that not everything is read from left to right.

Once through the Switchgear rooms (let's not inquire as to what they are doing in the middle of a jungle), you approach the end game. After the hatch, you arrive in the Persecution Complex, where much becomes clear. The longing for revenge boils up within you and revenge is in your grasp! You, too, can be a hacker! Plug in, log on, and... well, really, I can't quite tell you what to do (except to say that you ought to have an emergency route ready before you leave). Be sure to look over all the files, all the commands, and all the computer messages. Then, do one little thing to make life sweet again. Now, if it could only end up this way in real life. Alas, such victories are often achieved only in computer realities such as this. I suppose, alas, it's better than nothing.

Well, I see by the invisible clock it's that time yet again. Remember, if you need help with an adventure game, you can reach me in the following ways:

On Delphi: visit the GameSIG (under the Groups & Clubs menu). On GEnie: Stop by the Games RoundTable (type: Scorpia to reach the Games RT). On the Source: send SMail to ST1030. By U.S. mail (enclose a self-addressed, stamped envelope if you live in the United States): Scorpia, PO Box 338, Gracie Station, NY NY 10028.

Until next time, happy adventuring!

Copyright 1987 by Scorpia, all rights reserved.

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These historical, out-of-print articles and literary works have been GNUSTOed onto InvisiClues.org for academic and research purposes.